Night of the Sentinels Part Two

So we're back where we left off.

The X-Men are breaking into the Mutant Control Agency because they're behind the evil, mutant-napping Sentinel robots.

Storm, Wolverine, Beast and Morph are doing the actual burglarizing while Cyclops, Rogue and Gambit wait outside.

"Wait, a minute?" you say. "I know my X-Men. I've heard of Wolverine and Cyclops and Storm and the rest of them, but who the hell is Morph?"

See that guy who can't even walk through a freaking door without hurting himself? That's Morph. He's loosely based on the comic book character Changeling.

In the comics, Professor X had Changeling pose as him for awhile. During that time, Changeling died and everyone freaked out because they thought he was Professor X.

Professor X came back later and was all like, "It's OK. I understand someone died, but that person wasn't me so it's all right."

The moral of the story:

In television -- much as in the comics -- Morph exists as cannon fodder.

In fact, he'll be dead in about eight paragraphs; so don't get attached.

Shouldn't be difficult.

Back in the Mutant Control Agency, Storm's about to open a door with guards behind it.

Either these guards are standing very close together or someone is holding three guns.

But Wolverine smells gun powder so Storm adjusts her tactics.

Meanwhile, outside, the other X-Men fight anonymously evil henchmen who look like Samus from Metroid.

Beneath the layers of body armor is a pretty blonde.

Storm's team finds the files on mutants and starts to destroy them.

Way to contribute, Morph.

Beast's job is to destroy the computer files. When Storm tells him to hurry up, Beast replies, "Though I am always in haste, I am never in a hurry."

He's quoting John Wesley, a Christian theologian and one of the founders of the Methodist movement. But want to know what's crazy about that?

That's right. John Wesley's a mutant.

Storm isn't amused by Beast's quote and decides to spur him along.

You know you're long-winded when STORM tells you to quit monologuing.

With the files destroyed, the X-Men try to escape. However, they are stifled by some guards and a scuffle ensues.

During the melee, Rogue has an interesting interaction with one of the guards.

First, an Afro-American guard with black hair begins to topple from a sentry tower toward the ground.

So Rogue catches him.

The flight scares him so much that his hair changes color.

By the time Rogue drops the guard on the ground he's a white guy with red hair.

So in addition to super-strength, flight, invulnerability and the ability to drain people's life force, Rogue can also turn black people white.

Maybe that's what happened to Sammy Sosa.

The X-Men have the guards beat, but then their reinforcements show up.

Their enormous robot reinforcements.

The Sentinels dead Morph with one shot; and, while we don't see the kill shot, we do see what the Sentinels do to Beast...

This is the stuff of nightmares.

And what they do to Wolverine.

In short, the X-Men are getting their collective asses whipped, so Cyclops orders for them to retreat.

Wolverine disagrees with this command decision. Despite the fact he just got chucked like a Frisbee, Wolverine thinks they should go back for Beast and Morph.

When Cyclops refuses, Wolverine decides to go back by himself.

However, if you remember our X-Men Power Rankings, Wolverine falls somewhere between Gambit and a tree branch when it comes to fighting acumen; so it only takes one touch from Rogue to drop him.

I wonder if Wolverine also looked like Ron Weasley when Rogue was finished.

The X-Men return home -- sans Beast and Morph -- and Wolverine tries to find an appropriate way to express his disappointment with team leader, Cyclops.

The greatest GIF in X-Men history.

Not finished, Wolverine decides to pimp Cyclops' ride.

"Tell Cyclops I made him a convertible."

While Wolverine broods, we find out what's been happening with Jubilee since she was kidnapped last episode.

It's not good. She's been kidnapped by the evil, Sentinel-making bigots behind the Mutant Control Agency. And it gets worse.

She's in Detroit.

(I apologize for that lazy and unfair shot at Detroit. I love both the city and its people. Detroit is America and to mock its struggles is to lack empathy for an entire country of struggling blue-collar workers. Screw the Red Wings though.)

Cyclops realizes that he has failed his team, so he hatches a new plan to rescue Jubilee and avenge his lost teammates.

He begins by visiting Jubilee's foster parents. They are surprised that Jubilee has been kidnapped by Sentinels, even though the robots punched a hole in the second story of their home during the last episode.

Seriously, what did they think made this hole?

Not realizing the Mutant Control Agency is evil, Jubilee's foster father calls them and says another mutant has been asking about Jubilee.

Consequently, a Sentinel shows up. But this time Cyclops is ready.

Is it just me or is Cyclops a lot cooler since Wolverine made him a convertible?

He damages the Sentinel, which goes back to its headquarters for repairs; and the X-Men follow it on their radar.

Radar, puddle -- whatever.

This damaged Sentinel is the Morph of robots; because it too cannot handle something as simple as entering a room.

"It looks like smooth sailing from here."

The mechanical failure allows Jubilee to escape her cell and gives the X-Men the distraction they need to attack.

And they waste little time getting their revenge.

This might be Storm's greatest moment. She electrocutes the loving spoonful out of a half dozen Sentinels and doesn't stop once to explain what she's doing.

Meanwhile, Rogue demonstrates the proper technique for a hip-tossing a 30-foot robot.

Even Gambit contributes.

In a sleazy uncle kind of way.

So while Storm, Rogue and Cyclops are blasting through legions of robots and Gambit is skeezing on a barely pubescent girl, Wolverine takes down a single Sentinel.

Just one.

And, while he's doing it, he screams, "This is for you, Morph!"

"Not you, Beast, just Morph."

That's the equivalent of a third stringer doing an elaborate touchdown dance in the fourth quarter after the starters have already run up the score.

You really want to do something for Morph? Punch Cyclops again.

Next time, use your claws.

So the X-Men trounce the Sentinels and rescue Jubilee. And, to top it all of, the Mutant Control Agency loses its government funding and decides to relocate overseas.

The funding thing happened in an entirely different plot line that I didn't feel the need to recap, because it didn't involve Cyclops getting punched.

Afterward, Jubilee tells her foster parents that she wants to move in with the X-Men, because they can help her with her mutant powers.

"Also, mom, I kinda made out with a 32-year-old Cajun guy."

Her foster parents ask if she'll ever visit them and she promises she will.

And that was the last we ever saw of Jubilee's foster parents.

That's the story of how Jubilee moved into the X-Mansion.

A house that gets attacked so often they put a target on the freakin' door.

I conclude this recap with a montage of X-Men reacting to Morph's death.

 

This was my reaction too, Rogue.